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Bend back the wire restraint. Unfold the cardboard flaps. A cloud of steam bursts from the hot interior, momentarily obscuring your vision, and you wonder: is this pork fried rice? Or General Gau’s chicken? The air is thick with mystery. And, also, vaporized MSG.

There’s surprisingly little information on what to drink when dinner’s in a series of waxy white boxes. But why not? Surely wine doesn’t have to be off the table just because the food’s in trays rather than atop Limoges. So here’s a quick survey of the most common takeout foods and the wines that love them, starting with the cuisine that pretty much defines the genre: Chinese. We’re talking the standard repertoire found in Formica-countertop joints all over the world; meat, fish and/or veggies in a thick “sauce,” over rice (white or fried) or lo mein. Crab rangoon and teriyaki-flavored meat on a skewer. Maybe even the dreaded pu pu platter. Those of college age can probably recite this menu in their sleep.

The differences between dishes – principal ingredients, flavorings and the level of heat (too much of the latter and you’re better off with beer) – are, when it comes to wine, outweighed by the similarities. One is a persistent, low-level sweetness. The other is a surplus of umami, an Asian import among our palette of fundamental tastes (sour, salty, bitter, etc.) that basically means “savory.” Much-derided MSG is almost pure umami, but takeout Chinese is generally loaded with it even when MSG is off the menu. Soy sauce is the primary culprit, but meat, fish, mushrooms, many vegetables, and a wide range of sauce bases also contribute. And it turns out that umami is one of the most important factors in wine/food compatibility.

A good general rule for wine and food matching is to pair similar characteristics, and that applies here. There are wines that are rich in umami, and the two most frequently-cited are chardonnay and pinot noir from Burgundy. (Almost all white Burgundy is chardonnay, while red Burgundy is – with one minor exception – pinot noir.) However, Burgundy can be astonishingly expensive, and it seems slightly perverse to pair $15 takeout with a wine that costs ten (or thirty) times that. So here’s an excellent producer on the lower end of the Burgundian price scale…which isn’t to say that the wines are cheap: Maréchal, whose Bourgogne “Cuvée Gravel,” Savigny-les-Beaune, Pommard and Chorey-les-Beaune (all red) are relatively affordable and amazingly succulent. On the white side of things, look just south of Burgundy to the underappreciated region of Beaujolais. The Jean-Paul Brun Beaujolais Blanc, a chardonnay probably unlike any other you’ve tasted, is rich with sun-warmed earth and a terrific bargain.

Of course, pinot noir and chardonnay are grown all over the world, so options abound. But here’s one you might not have thought of: Champagne. Most Champagne – and other sparkling wines made in that style – is a blend of pinot noir, pinot meunier (another red grape) and chardonnay, though some are made from just one of that trio. If you’re feeling extravagant, reach for the Lassalle Champagne Chigny-les-Roses “1er Cru” Brut Rosé, which is pink, silky and utterly seductive; otherwise, reliable New World alternatives include the Argyle Brut from Oregon’s Willamette Valley and the Roederer Estate Brut from California’s Anderson Valley, both less than half the price of the Lassalle.

The pervasive sweetness in Chinese takeout suggests another option: off-dry riesling, of which the best comes from Germany. Look for the wines of Selbach-Oster, St. Urbans-Hof and Dönnhoff, which are all easy to find and quite approachable in their youth. There are a lot of long vineyard names and designations on the labels, but as it’s almost impossible to go wrong, experiment with abandon. We’ll get into the details some other time.

Moving on to the Italian-American side of things – pizza, pasta, etc. – you’ll want something Italian, unpretentious and fruity. Good candidates are the Banti Morellino di Scansano and the Barone Cornacchia Montepulciano d’Abruzzo. Technically, those should be reserved for meat- and red sauce-based dishes, while “white” pizzas and vegetable- or seafood-based pastas would suggest crisp, herbal whites (try a Belisario Verdicchio di Matelica Terre di Valbona or Podere Canneta Vernaccia di San Gimignano)…but true Italians would just drink red with everything. And they’d drink it out of jelly jars, which somehow seems appropriate for takeout. Give it a try.

And then there’s sushi. (Here, “sushi” encompasses the entire category…sashimi, nigiri, maki, and so forth.) Despite a wide range of possible ingredients, a surprisingly small number of wines actually pair well with sushi. Off-dry German riesling, as previously detailed, works fairly well…probably finding a partner in the rice’s light sweetness…but it’s not the best match. That, surprisingly, is forceful and vivacious sauvignon blanc from New Zealand. This seems counter-intuitive given sushi’s subtle delicacy, but something about that zippy, grass-and-chile-pepper wine just sings with sushi. Solid performers include Villa Maria “Cellar Selection” (not the dilute “Private Bin”), Goldwater, Babich, Main Divide, Isabel, Dog Point, Huia and Tohu.

(First published in stuff@night, 2007.)