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Pinot envy

It’s all about how you use it

from Grapes, by Thor Iverson

It’s the “guy” issue, and what subject is of more interest to guys than their pinots? Walk into any wine cellar, and you’re likely to find a bunch of guys checking out each others pinots. They’ll talk about them, brag about them…sometimes, they’ll even take them out and look at them, just of the sake of comparison. That’s usually a good time to beat a retreat.

What’s most interesting about pinots is their variety. Some are pale white, youthful and innocent. The red kind seem to promise greater stamina, but they’re also the most sensitive to ill-treatment. And then there’s the grey ones, which no one quite seems to know how to handle.

Why is are there so many different kinds of pinot? Mutation. Pinots can change on a whim, gaining and losing structure, or turning from white to pink to red (and back again). Some that look white are actually red, and some that look pink are actually white.

Confused? Maybe getting your hands on a few will help. Here, I’ll talk you through it. Starting from the top, and slowly working our way down:

Pinot noir is the big red one. Most red grapes are actually purplish-black, or at least very deep blue, but pinot noir is a lot lighter than that, which is reflected in the naturally light-colored wine it produces. In its purest form, it tastes of berries; sometimes red, sometimes black. Earth and freshly-picked mushrooms are also common. Pinot noir is highly sensitive to and reflective of site, which is why so many carry individual vineyard names. And doesn’t everyone eventually name their pinot?

Historically, pinot noir reached its apogee in red Burgundy, with wines ranging from simple quaffers to majestic, unbelievably complex wines that require decades to reach maturity…and are priced commensurately. But these days, good pinot comes from all over: Oregon, New Zealand, California (especially the Russian River Valley, Anderson Valley, and various locales northwest of Santa Barbara), northeastern Italy (as pinot nero) and even Germany (where it’s called spätburgunder). It’s also one of the three major grapes of Champagne, though only in rosés is it allowed to contribute any color to the finished wine.

Pinot meunier is the other red one, but the only reason anyone cares about it is that it’s a minor blending grape in Champagne. It’s a pinot with an inferiority complex.

Pinot gris, a/k/a pinot grigio, grauburgunder, and pinot beurot, comes from reddish-purple-skinned grapes. Yet it’s a white wine. This viticultural schizophrenia continues into the finished product, which can be insipid, watery swill – which describes most of what comes from northeastern Italy (the Veneto, Trentino, Alto Adige, and Friuli-Venezia Giulia regions, which are blanketed with this grape), though intense, mineral-driven versions are available – or rich, thick, and heady (the preferred style in Alsace). Germany and Austria lean towards the better Italian style, New Zealand and Oregon attempt – but usually fail – to ape the latter. Spiced pear or fennel are classic descriptors for the dense version, while sweetened lemon-lime is about all you’ll ever get out of cheap pinot grigio. In other words, it can be great, but you can’t always rely on a grey pinot. Sometimes, they’ll let you down.

Pinot blanc, also known as pinot bianco or weißburgunder (weissburgunder), is the only pinot that actually looks white on the vine. It, too, is grown all over, but its qualitative home is the historically Germanic core of Europe: Germany itself, Austria, northern Italy, Switzerland, and Alsace. It’s crisp and clean, with very light citrus, melon, or stone fruit flavors, and isn’t usually much of an ager. It’s capable of promising solo performances in Oregon, but usually prefers to work in groups.

Because pinot (the catchall name for these grapes) is prone to mutation, this list doesn’t cover all the possible variations. As always, pinots have a mind of their own. There is, for instance, an “albino” pinot noir carefully preserved in Burgundy, which tastes like a noir but looks like a blanc. But because the grape is so mutable, some confusion remains. “Pinot auxerrois,” for example, isn’t a pinot at all, though it’s almost always present (usually as a 50/50 blend) in Alsace wines labeled pinot blanc.

And then there’s the strange case of “pinot chardonnay.” Chardonnay is the white companion to pinot noir in Burgundy, and while it was often thought to be a sibling, it’s not. It’s actually a bastard offspring stemming from a one night stand between pinot and a grape no one’s seen before or since: gouais blanc. Which demonstrates what can happen when you don’t keep a close eye on your pinot. And anyone who tells you otherwise is spouting phallusies.

(First published in stuff@night, 2008.)

   

Copyright © Thor Iverson.